...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
