if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
