You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
