Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
