those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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