Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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