I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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