At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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