i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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