I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
