yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
