His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I puked a lego.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think your dad took our porno
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
