when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
