So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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