every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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