I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
