If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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