the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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