my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we're so committed to being not committed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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