We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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