and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
