maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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