Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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