Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
