So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
