Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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