Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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