Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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