whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I've blown a few things in my day
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
