Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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