so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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