____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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