Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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