Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
