my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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