Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
