My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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