Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
