i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
