i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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