you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
