Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
