was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
