I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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