Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
