the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
