I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
