Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
