It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
