I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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