Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
