You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
