So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
