My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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