you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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