i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
