Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
