This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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