So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
