I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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